Over the years, I’ve gradually forgotten many things, but I always remember the incident about my mother’s birthday cake. At that time, I was in high school. It was just after the Chinese New Year, and my father was also at home. My parents, younger brother, and I were living in a rental house close to my school. My dad went out and bought a birthday cake for my mom. I still remember what that cake looked like. Eating birthday cakes wasn’t a tradition in our family, and that might have been the first time. However, my mom refused to eat it, saying that my dad was wasting money. My dad, my brother, and I tried to persuade her for a long time, but she just wouldn’t eat it. At that time, I actually found it a bit absurd… We couldn’t return the cake since it was already bought. After a long time of unsuccessful persuasion, we decided that my brother and I would start eating the cake. I was hoping she might change her mind and join us, but she didn’t. She didn’t eat a single bite of the cake that was meant for her. The cake was actually delicious, but it was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever felt eating one. This incident has almost become a part of me. Reluctant to spend money. Stingy. Anxiety over not having money.
However, not having money doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy life. Some mothers might just laugh and eat the cake with their children, even though they also think it’s a waste. Many rural mothers eat only the vegetables in a dish, offering all the meat to their children. This act of love actually tells the child that their family is so poor they can’t afford meat, and what the family has, it’s all given to them. This puts a lot of pressure on the child and has a very negative psychological impact. If it were me, I would happily eat meat with my children.
Then, you may have also realized that, in a sense, I am asking rural mothers to be more virtuous, to pretend a bit more, to be better at nurturing their children. This kind of demand is harsh and unreasonable, for a group that already has little control over their own destiny. There are many things in this world worthy of criticism, but they are certainly not among them.
Many people talk about the impact of their families on themselves and how they spent many years slowly healing. Maybe one day, we can also heal the mothers’ wounds, because I think they may be more scarred than us.
Note: This is translated from the Chinese original version by ChatGPT, with some modifications.